The rant that started it all
What do you do when there is no motivation? When your half finished stories glare at you from that sweet little folder called “Writing”, when you’re spending 80% of the day checking in on websites, hoping for a response from an inquiring comment, hoping for an insult from one of the hundreds of message boards you registered on, hoping for praise for your story on your favorite writing website, hoping for an acceptance letter to land you millions, hoping for that rejection letter so you can get it over with, hoping for the CDs that you ordered two days ago to arrive in the mail, hoping that your favorite music video will play on your favorite TV station, hoping that your favorite song will play on your favorite radio station, hoping mp3s from your favorite band will be hosted on your favorite mp3 blog, hoping, goddamn it, for some excitement in your life.
And unable to write. Where are all the story ideas? What about the fifth chapter of the next New York Times best seller? Maybe it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. It doesn’t even have to be that long. A cute flash, that’ll do. But a flash ends up too long, and you’re stomped for another plot twist, for another character death.
Then there are only a few choices left. Unplug the TV, shut down the radio, smash the computer, grab a pen and paper, go sit outside in the park and stare at the trees, until your mind can’t take it anymore, until finally one of your what ifs seems reasonable, until you finally write another page full of rubbish, but rubbish that’s finished, that makes you so damned happy. You can give up on writing, give up on all your ambitions. Give in to your inner voices. Plop on the couch, grab a bag of popcorn and chain watch the tube. Laugh insanely when someone inquires you about your work. You can read over all your issues of Writer’s Digest, look at the prompts, try to be inspired. Or, you can merely take another route, a change of scenery, so to speak. You’re a blocked, unhappy, horror writer. Why not turn that on its head and switch gears, into the world of nonfiction (because, you know very well, that in fact you might not become an instant bestseller, you may need to make a living…and magazine writing might be the only thing that saves you), try your hand at a glorious review, try a column, start an Ezine…and if that doesn’t do the job, all the other, not so good sounding options will still be waiting.
So here it is, an attempt at a column. To free the muses, so to speak. And you know what, it really doesn’t seem that hard. Except, perhaps the motivation to finishing it.
Anyone can tell you that being a writer is hard. Being a horror writer is harder. Being a horror writer and a teenager at the same time is a lot harder. Being a music snob, horror writer and a teenager at the same time is near impossible. I mean, how are you supposed to balance things out? One day just for writing, one day for reading, one day for angusing, one day for music research? No. That’s not happening. And gosh, already I’m running out of energy. What an unfocused article, wouldn’t you say? Pick something and stick with it. But oh it’s so hard to pay attention to only one thing. Even now, in a separate window, I’m opening another website, checking my email for the millionth time, being so needy it’s scary. And oh geez, there is one more view. I must now check the comments section. Who knows, there just might be something there! Such is my nature, and I really, really do wish it was different. I mean, I bet if I really settled down, limited myself to writing two hours straight, I’ll pour out a story or two, and damn good ones at that. But, these distractions are doing what they do best, and I must stop every two seconds to play a game, or visit a website…
Let’s get to the point of this so called “column” or “rant” or whatever this is. Sometimes I wonder if there is some higher force out there, who enjoys toying with every individual, giving them temptations, giving them problems, and seeing how they deal. And maybe if they come through every little obstacle thrown their way, you give them a little reward. Maybe one day a publication, maybe a sudden burst of inspiration that’ll create a short story to wow the world. Maybe something as little as a magazine arrived early, as a free sample CD enclosed in a wave of boring ad pages. And if you can’t overcome the little games, maybe you’re forced to keep going, to finally achieve something. Maybe something different is exactly what you need to burst out of this gray cloud…
Then again, maybe not. As for me, I’m just glad that at least this is a finished product, no matter how much sense it doesn’t make, no matter how pointless it seems to be, no matter how short or stupid it is, how it’s never going to do anything to impact the world…it’s something.
And for now, that’s good enough.
And unable to write. Where are all the story ideas? What about the fifth chapter of the next New York Times best seller? Maybe it doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. It doesn’t even have to be that long. A cute flash, that’ll do. But a flash ends up too long, and you’re stomped for another plot twist, for another character death.
Then there are only a few choices left. Unplug the TV, shut down the radio, smash the computer, grab a pen and paper, go sit outside in the park and stare at the trees, until your mind can’t take it anymore, until finally one of your what ifs seems reasonable, until you finally write another page full of rubbish, but rubbish that’s finished, that makes you so damned happy. You can give up on writing, give up on all your ambitions. Give in to your inner voices. Plop on the couch, grab a bag of popcorn and chain watch the tube. Laugh insanely when someone inquires you about your work. You can read over all your issues of Writer’s Digest, look at the prompts, try to be inspired. Or, you can merely take another route, a change of scenery, so to speak. You’re a blocked, unhappy, horror writer. Why not turn that on its head and switch gears, into the world of nonfiction (because, you know very well, that in fact you might not become an instant bestseller, you may need to make a living…and magazine writing might be the only thing that saves you), try your hand at a glorious review, try a column, start an Ezine…and if that doesn’t do the job, all the other, not so good sounding options will still be waiting.
So here it is, an attempt at a column. To free the muses, so to speak. And you know what, it really doesn’t seem that hard. Except, perhaps the motivation to finishing it.
Anyone can tell you that being a writer is hard. Being a horror writer is harder. Being a horror writer and a teenager at the same time is a lot harder. Being a music snob, horror writer and a teenager at the same time is near impossible. I mean, how are you supposed to balance things out? One day just for writing, one day for reading, one day for angusing, one day for music research? No. That’s not happening. And gosh, already I’m running out of energy. What an unfocused article, wouldn’t you say? Pick something and stick with it. But oh it’s so hard to pay attention to only one thing. Even now, in a separate window, I’m opening another website, checking my email for the millionth time, being so needy it’s scary. And oh geez, there is one more view. I must now check the comments section. Who knows, there just might be something there! Such is my nature, and I really, really do wish it was different. I mean, I bet if I really settled down, limited myself to writing two hours straight, I’ll pour out a story or two, and damn good ones at that. But, these distractions are doing what they do best, and I must stop every two seconds to play a game, or visit a website…
Let’s get to the point of this so called “column” or “rant” or whatever this is. Sometimes I wonder if there is some higher force out there, who enjoys toying with every individual, giving them temptations, giving them problems, and seeing how they deal. And maybe if they come through every little obstacle thrown their way, you give them a little reward. Maybe one day a publication, maybe a sudden burst of inspiration that’ll create a short story to wow the world. Maybe something as little as a magazine arrived early, as a free sample CD enclosed in a wave of boring ad pages. And if you can’t overcome the little games, maybe you’re forced to keep going, to finally achieve something. Maybe something different is exactly what you need to burst out of this gray cloud…
Then again, maybe not. As for me, I’m just glad that at least this is a finished product, no matter how much sense it doesn’t make, no matter how pointless it seems to be, no matter how short or stupid it is, how it’s never going to do anything to impact the world…it’s something.
And for now, that’s good enough.
posted by Laura at 4:18 PM
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